Tell It To Maury
by Dlbn
Summary: From questions of paternity, to scandals and lies; Today's guests have come for shocking results and shocking confessions. Is there a positive solution to today's cases? They don't know, but they're about to lay it all out on the line. On a shocking special edition of "The Maury Show"!
1. The Paternity of Nisei Akame

Dlbn: Hey there, everyone, and welcome to another fanfic from yours truly, Dlbn!

Nbld: This idea just popped into our head one day while watching the Maury show. We have many ideas for chapters, but it all depends on how well this does.

Dlbn: In other words, we have a variety! From Kio and his daughter to Soubi and Ritsuka, and anything and everything in between! If anyone has suggestions of what to see next, feel free to drop them to us :D

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Nisei Akame. He belongs to Yun Kouga. I do, however, own Tarahan, Aie, and the mentioned little sister of Nisei Akame (Kimiheri, for those of you who haven't read my Christmas fic). I also do not own Maury. The show and the man himself are not mine. The man belongs to himself, and the show belongs to whatever network you see him on (Channel 15 for me) I make NO money off of the writing of this fictional work.

000

Host of The Maury Show, Maury himself, sat in his arm chair on the left side of the stage. He was an older gentleman with salt and pepper colored hair, and a few laugh lines around his mouth and eyes. He smiled warmly at the camera that was facing him.

"Everyone," He addressed the camera and the live audience, "meet Nisei. And Nisei's mother, Aie."

The camera panned to see the two aforementioned people, who were sitting center stage. The person closest to Maury, on the left, was a young man; about eighteen years old. He had striking chocolate eyes and raven black hair pulled back into a low ponytail. He didn't really seem to care where he was; preferring to pick at his nails instead of looking at the camera, the audience, or Maury. The woman next to him had sandy brown hair and eyes that matched her son's. Unlike her son, she looked pretty distraught and well aware of what was going on. She gripped onto his right forearm for comfort, not seeming to care that he was picking at his nails instead of paying attention to his surroundings.

"They're here because of this man, Tarahan." Maury went on, gesturing to a screen behind him. The screen had a logo for the show on it. "Believes that he is not the father of Nisei, here."

The audience gasped and booed in response to the statement. Nisei, despite himself, let a smirk appear on his face for the briefest of seconds. It faded away quickly and he continuously picked at his nails. His mother swatted at his hands, but he ignored her and continued with what he was doing. Maury didn't really seem to mind.

"Let's hear their side of the story, shall we?" Maury asked. "Take a look at this."

The image of the stage was replaced by a video of Nisei, sitting in a chair. Only his head and the top of his body were visible on the tape, since nothing else really needed to be shown.

"My mother and I are here because my idiot father decided to declare, after all this time, that there is no way I could be his son." Nisei rolled his eyes. It seemed like he was being coached into speaking. "I'm eighteen. Whether or not he's my father, or wants to be, has no effect on me." Nisei shrugged. "I'll move on either way. It's not like I want to be his son anyway."

The audience could be heard gasping, though there was the tape rolling.

"The only thing that bothers me…for him to make my mother cry with his stupid accusations and whatnot? That's what I have a real problem with."

The audience cheered as the image changed. Instead of Nisei being on screen, it was his mother. only her head and the top of her was showing as well. She appeared to be sitting down in a chair. Unlike Nisei, it seemed like she wanted to speak of her own free will.

"For my husband to deny my son, and after eighteen years of not denying him, solely on the fact that they have nothing in common hurts!" She complained. She seemed to be on the verge of tears. "I know for a fact that he's the father of my son, just like he's the father of my daughter! I don't sleep around, you know! Besides, I'm nothing like my parents, and he's nothing like his, but neither of our fathers ever denied their paternity. What makes him think he can hold our son to a different standard? Once Maury says 'you are the father', I and Nisei _both_ deserve an apology!"

The video ended as the audience erupted into cheers for the distraught woman.

"He denied paternity just because they have nothing in common?!" Maury recapped.

"Yes!" Aie confirmed, nodding. "He says that there's no way Nisei can be his son, because they're nothing alike. He says their personalities are different, they don't like any of the same things…Hell, they can't be in the same _room_ alone without someone whining that they're being treated unfairly!"

"Hey, I don't whine!" Nisei complained, folding his arms and leaning back in his chair. "I complain. There's a difference…"

His mother rolled her eyes. "Sure there is, honey." She patted his knee.

He seemed irritated by the gesture, but smiled at her anyway. The smile was small, not quite reaching his cheeks, let alone his eyes. His dark chocolate eyes were just that; dark pools without any emotion.

"Nisei, you're eighteen, right?" Maury wondered. "You don't seem too bothered by this…"

"The bastard denies that he's my father, I deny that I'm his son." Nisei shrugged. His voice was laced with anger and hatred. "I know my mother wouldn't whore herself around on him, though I honestly wouldn't blame her."

"Nisei…" His mother warned.

He waved her off. "But I'd be thrilled to not have a DNA match." He shrugged once again.

"I just don't understand!" Aie cried suddenly. "He's never denied Nisei before now! It's only because they have nothing in common! Just because they don't get along now?"

The audience started to boo.

"We ever got along?" Nisei raised an eyebrow in question.

"It's a pathetic excuse, and he should be ashamed of himself!"

The audience began cheering enthusiastically.

"They have a lot on common." Aie went on. She ran her fingers through the dark raven locks of her son's ponytail. "From their hair down to their DNA!"

That caused the audience to cheer and clap louder. A few people stood out of their seats, clapping as they cheered. Nisei rolled his eyes at the display. Why did this have to be such a spectacle? He suddenly found the ceiling much more interesting then anything else.

"Let's hear what Tarahan has to say for himself, shall we?" Maury wondered. "Take a look at this."

The image of the stage was once again replaced by a video. The video, however, had Tarahan in it this time. He had short black hair and honey brown eyes. He was sitting on a chair, with his arms folded across his chest. He didn't look like he wanted to be there, but hints of anger and annoyance were visible in his eyes. He was obviously annoyed about something. As with the earlier video, only his head and chest were visible.

"There is no way in hell that Nisei is my son!" Tarahan exclaimed. "Just because we have the same hair color, and I graced him with my last name, it doesn't mean we're related!" He ranted on. "Nisei and I have _nothing_ in common! We don't even act alike! When Maury says that I'm not the father, I want that disrespectful brat out of my life!"

The video ended and showed the stage once again. Aie was crying quietly, but she looked ready to beat someone at the same time. Maury shook his head as he gestured to the right side of the stage, where a set of stairs led behind stage.

"Here's Tarahan." Maury said.

The crowd booed as the elder male of the family walked out onto the platform connecting to the stairs. Tarahan waved the audience off as if they didn't matter, as he walked the short distance to the stairs. Maury met him as he descended the stairs and welcomed him to the show.

"How dare you!" Aie yelled at her husband.

Nisei grabbed her shirt sleeve to try and hold her back, but she had already bolted to her feet to confront him.

"You know damn well that he's your son! I don't sleep around, Tarahan!" Aie went on.

Bouncers climbed onstage and got in between the fighting husband and wife. Nisei was on his feet by that time, holding his mother back pretty well. He waved off the approaching bouncers, and they stopped where they stood; ready to intervene should the need arise.

"There is no way that disrespectful, arrogant, cocky _brat_ is my son!" Tarahan objected.

"Hey, I learned it from somewhere, old man!" Nisei snarled. He then smirked at the elder male.

"I could never father a child like _that_!" Tarahan objected, fixing Nisei with a glare that said 'come get me'.

"Oh, because you're so high and mighty that anything coming from you has to be just _perfect_ like my little sister, hm?" Nisei snapped.

"Are you honestly jealous of a sixteen year old?" Tarahan laughed at his son.

Nisei pulled his mother behind him and stood between his parents. Bouncers stood to grab him if he made a move against his father. The tension in the air bubbled like hot tar.

"Please, everyone, have a seat." Maury offered. "There's no need for all of this."

The three feuding family members slowly took their seats after a moment, without the bouncers intervening. Nisei fixed his father with a glare that could kill, and a smirk that could make anyone's blood boil.

"So, Tarahan, you're denying paternity of this young man solely because you have nothing in common?" Maury wondered, seemingly annoyed.

"There is no _way_ he's my son." Tarahan shook his head. "He's rude, antagonistic, smart-mouthed, spoiled rotten…he's violent and has a bad temper…He broke his TV when he was sixteen, and trashed his own room, but refused to tell us why!"

"You wouldn't believe me if I did." Nisei rolled his eyes.

"I didn't father _or_ raise such a spoiled brat!" Tarahan glared at Nisei.

"My temper and so called 'violent tendencies' come from _you_, old man." Nisei told him.

"See what I'm saying? Rude and disrespectful!"

Nisei chuckled darkly; a sound that sent shivers down the spines of his parents and of Maury. "You want to talk about being rude and disrespectful?" Nisei snarled. "How about _you_ disrespecting my mother by rudely proclaiming that I'm not your son; effectively calling her a cheater, hm?" Nisei's dark eyes lit up with a primal anger. He leaned forward to grip the edge of his seat; his knuckles turning whiter then his already pale hands.

The audience cheered louder as Nisei's words progressed. Tarahan flushed darkly, clearly embarrassed. Aie wiped away tears with the back of her hand as Maury shook his head.

"Your son has a point, you know." Maury informed Tarahan hotly.

"He's not my son." Tarahan protested.

"He _is_ your son!" Aie scolded. "You just won't accept it because he's not like you!"

Maury looked to Nisei. "Nisei, I know you don't care about the results either way, but doesn't it bother you that your own father denies that you're his son?" The host asked his guest.

"I guess." Nisei shrugged. "I'm an adult; I don't need his approval."

The audience cheered.

"Are you in school, Nisei?" Maury asked.

"Most of the time." Nisei glared at someone in the audience. His eyes flickered back towards Maury. "Though I fail to see what my education has to do with the present situation."

"Do you stay off of drugs and away from alcohol?"

"Are you sick in the head, or just deaf?" Nisei wondered. "I do neither, but I do enjoy a smoke once and a while." He shrugged. "But enough meaningless questions now."

"Got a girlfriend?"

"Boyfriend, now shut up."

"No trouble with the law.

"I'm a hacker and a murderer that hasn't been caught yet." Nisei rolled his eyes, his tone showing that he had a dark humor about him. "So no. Get onto the results."

"So there's really no reason for your father to deny paternity, correct?" Maury wondered. "You seem like a good kid, you're just not like your father. You don't 'ruffle any feathers' so to speak?"

"Only his." Nisei jutted a thumb at his angered father.

Maury looked to the practically seething Tarahan. "He seems like he's a good kid. Why deny him as your son?"

"He's violent, he doesn't show me _any_ respect, even his own sister thinks there's something wrong with him…" Tarahan shook his head. "If I fathered him, I'd be ashamed."

"You did father him, you nitwit!" Aie scolded.

The audience cheered as Maury stood and took a manila envelope from a man between the audience and the stage. He walked back to his seat and sat down.

"Tarahan, if the results say that you are this young man's father, will you give both him and your wife an apology?" Maury asked.

"I'll apologize to my wife, sure." Tarahan said, nodding. "Him? Not a chance."

The audience booed as Maury opened up the manila envelope. He pulled out a white sheet of paper.

"In the case of eighteen year old Nisei, Tarahan…" Maury paused for dramatic effect.

Nisei gave the host a scathing look as his mother gripped his arm for support.

"You _are_ the father!"

Aie jumped to her feet as the audience cheered in support.

"I _told _you, Tarahan! I told you!" She cried.

Nisei leaned his elbows on his knees, holding his face in his hands. Tarahan hugged his wife.

"I'm sorry, Aie." He told her. "I just can't believe I fathered that _thing_."

"I'm not happy about it either!" Nisei called, not bothering to look up as his father glared sharply at him.

"So, Tarahan, can we stop all this nonsense?" Maury asked.

"Yeah, sure." Tarahan shrugged.

"If I give you money, will you change the results for me?" Nisei wondered, peeking at Maury out of the side of his hand.

"You don't _have_ money, you lazy brat!"

Maury rolled his eyes as Nisei stood with a snap and glared at his father angrily.

Maury looked at the camera. "We'll be right back!"


	2. The Cheating of Aidien Aoyagi

Dlbn: Hey there, everyone! I know it's been a while, but we're here with chapter two!

Nbld: Genius here started writing it by hand and refused to type it up before finishing it on paper.

Dlbn: I'm a genius?

Nbld: *Facepalm* Review Corner before I strangle her. Thank you to 777angeloflove and Ritt-chan for reviewing! Cookies for you both!

777angeloflove: Ritsuka and Soubi are separate from Misaki's story, but Ritsuka is mentioned in hers (AKA this one)

Ritt-chan: The poor boy gets no respect, I tells yah XD Ritsuka and Soubi have a different story from Misaki's, but she'll be mentioned in theirs.

Disclaimer: I do NOT own any of the Loveless characters. They belong to Yun Kouga. I also do not own Maury or his show. He belongs to himself, don't you know? I DO however own Aidien Aoyagi. I make NO money off of writing in this category.

000

Once again, Maury sat in his chair on the left side of the stage. He smiled warmly at the camera.

"Everybody, this is Misaki." Maury addressed the camera and unseen audience. "Welcome Misaki to the show."

The audience clapped and cheered as the camera shifted to a woman on stage. She had long black hair with bangs. She had dark green eyes that kept shifting around nervously. She wrung her hands between her knees.

"Misaki is here because of one man. Her husband, Aidien."

The screen behind Maury lit up to show a blonde man with plum colored eyes. he scowled at the camera before looking away.

"You see, Misaki believes that Aidien is cheating."

The audience booed in response.

"Misaki, why don't you tell us what's going on?" Maury looked at the woman on stage.

"He doesn't come home most days." Misaki was soft spoken. "He has something going on so that he doesn't need us. must be another woman…another family…"

"You think he has a whole other _family_?" Maury was surprised.

"He could."

"Well, let's see exactly what Misaki had to say." Maury informed. "Watch this."

A video of Misaki rolled on the screen behind Maury.

"My husband Aidien doesn't come home much anymore…" She said. "When he does come home, he leaves really early in the morning and vanishes for days again. He's a lawyer. He can come home for at least dinner. He doesn't need to travel far." Her left eye twitched as both eyes grew darker. "It's because of him…I know it!" She sneered. "That thing that took my…" her eye twitched and her eyes brightened. "He has to have someone else on the side. Once when he came home, I smelled perfume on him. I wasn't near him for three weeks, and I don't even _wear_ perfume! I'm here for the truth."

The video ended, leaving a mystified Maury to take over the screen.

"Because of who?" The host wondered.

"The fake…no one, forget it…" Misaki trailed off.

"So, you think your husband is cheating on you because he hardly comes home?"

"Yes."

"He's a lawyer." Maury stated. "Could work keep him late?"

"He just started this…he came home after work every day until two years ago." Misaki's eyes narrowed. "When my son vanished." She slammed a fist into her knee. "He drove Seimei away, now he drove Aidien away."

"You keep referring to a 'he'." Maury pointed out. "Who is 'he'?"

'The boy with my son's face." She scowled. "He's not my son, but he looks like him…"

"Uh…that's an outrageous claim…"

Misaki's eyes lightened. "I want the truth…"

Maury appeared completely mystified. "Well…um…let's see what Aidien had to say…"

A tape of Aidien began rolling.

"Two years ago, my son suffered a damaging case of severe amnesia. He has no memory of his life before he turned ten, and his personality did a complete 180." Aidien informed. "My wife began declaring that he wasn't her son, and started abusing him. Our older son protected him for a while, but then he was murdered."

Sympathetic noises arose from the audience.

"I tried to stop Misaki, but there's not much you can do when she's in one of her psychotic rages. Things got so stressful, I just stopped coming home as often as I used to."

The audience launched into a chorus of boos and hissing.

"Now she's falsely accusing me of cheating on her, when all I want is some peace and quiet. An escape. I'm here to _prove_ once and for all that I am _not_ cheating on my wife, so at least _this_ branch of craziness can end."

The video ended and revealed a shocked and disgusted Maury.

"Misaki, do you really _abuse_ your son?" He asked.

"I punish him…a child who grows up unpunished grows up to be wild and out of control…" She muttered. "That's who I was raised, too…"

"But do you _beat_ on him?"

She didn't respond.

"Well, no matter. You see, we also gave _Misaki_ a lie detector test."

The audience cheered in approval.

"But first, welcome Aidien to the show."

The crowd booed as Aidien walked down the stairs to the stage to meet Maury.

"You know you beat him, Misaki, don't lie!" Aidien snarled. "And I'm _not_ cheating on you! I just want to escape the nonsense and the violence!"

"Aidien, please, have a seat." Maury interrupted him.

Still scowling angrily at Misaki, Aidien did as he was told to.

"So, Aidien, you don't come home just because you want to escape the so-called nonsense and violence?" Maury wondered.

"You would too, if you lived there." He defended himself.

"Don't you think your son would want to escape it, as well?"

The crowd cheered.

Aidien flushed and ignored the question. "Just because our son 'changed', that doesn't mean he's _not_ our son anymore. People change. Get _over_ it!" He glared at his wife.

"Not my Ritsuka…" She muttered, clenching her fist tightly.

"Oh, shut up!"

That got the audience booing and jeering at him again.

"You people shut up, too." He muttered in annoyance.

"Aidien, I think what baffles everyone is that you _know_ what she's like with your son, yet you leave him home alone with her. Why not take him with you?"

The audience switched from booing to cheering and applauding.

"He just switched schools this year. I can't make him switch again." Aidien informed.

"So instead of making him switch schools, or commute to his current school from where you reside, you'd rather leave him in an abusive and unhealthy environment? Something doesn't add up, Aidien. You're a lawyer. You can't be _that _stupid."

The audience's cheering volume increased.

"I just can't take him with me…"

Maury shook his head. "Let's get to the lie detector results." He took a manila envelope from a man in the audience. When he sat back down, he pulled out tow sheets of paper. "We'll get to Misaki's first. Misaki, you were asked if you 'currently are, or ever have, physically or emotionally attacked your youngest son'. You said no. The lie detector determine…you were telling the truth."

"What?!" Aidien protested.

"You were then asked if you 'believe that - is no longer your son'. You said yes. The lie detector determined…you were telling the truth."

Aidien rolled his eyes. "Well, we know _that_."

"For your final question, you were asked 'are you currently, or have you ever, physically or emotionally attacked -." Maury read. "You said no. The lie detector determined…that was a lie."

The audience began booing and hissing angrily in response. Maury shook his head at Misaki, as he put the first sheet behind a second.

"Now, for Aidien's results."

Misaki glared at her husband. He returned the glare before rolling his eyes.

"Aidien, you were asked, 'do you not return home from work because you're unhappy in your marriage to Misaki'. You said yes. The lie detector determined…you were telling the truth."

Misaki held her head in her hands, virtually collapsing into her seat.

"You were asked, 'do you stay away from your home for weeks at a time because you are staying with another woman'. You said no. The lie detector determined…that was a lie."

Misaki snarled at him. "You son of a…"

"You were asked, 'have you ever had any sexual contact with a woman, other then your wife, since you were married'. You said no. The lie detector determined…that was a lie."

Security Guards had to hold Misaki back as she launched from her chair at Aidien.

"Misaki, there are more questions." Maury informed. "You were asked, 'have you ever had any sexual contact with a woman, other then your wife in the past two years since your son's initial memory loss. You said no. The lie detector determined…that was a lie."

"How _could_ you!?" Misaki wondered. "After all these years!" She swiped at him.

"You were asked, 'are you currently in a sexual relationship with anyone other then your wife. You said no. The lie detector determined…that was a lie."

Misaki began to launch again, but guards stopped her.

"You were asked, 'do you regret marrying Misaki'. You said yes. The lie detector determined…you were telling the truth."

Misaki began hysterically crying.

"You were asked, 'do you want to divorce Misaki. You said no. The lie detector determined…that was a lie." Maury paused. "And finally, you were asked, 'do you have any children younger then - that Misaki did not mother. You said no. The lie detector determined…that was a lie."

Misaki fell to her knees, weeping in despair. "I'm done!" She cried out. "I'm done! File the forms and get out of my _life_!"

Maury kneeled down next to her, putting a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"Misaki, what I'm more concerned about it -." Maury told her. "You have no reason or right to lay a hand on and attack a twelve year old."

"Can't stop…" Misaki muttered. "Want to stop…can't…" She swiped at Aidien.

"If we provide full psychiatric help, would you be willing to see a therapist to work out these issues?"

"Yes…:"

"Okay, we'll do that." Maury patted her shoulder before standing and turning to Aidien. "As for you…man up, take responsibility, and start the divorce if you want out so badly."

Aidien bowed slightly and backed away. "I think I'll do that…" He confirmed.

"And do something to get your son out of that stressful, unsafe environment." Maury said. "And soon, or we'll have a problem. You understand?"

"Completely…" Aidien muttered.

Maury looked to the camera. "We'll be right back."


	3. The Relationship of Soubi and Ritsuka

Dlbn: Hello everyone, and welcome to another chapter of Tell it to Maury!

Nbld: Sorry about the long wait. We hadn't had time to start writing until a couple days ago, so that's why this is so late.

Dlbn: We'll try to get them done quicker in the future.

Nbld: Now, time for the Review Corner! Thank you to 777angeloflove, and Ritt-chan for reviewing! Candy or caramel apples for you both!

777angeloflove: I kind of feel sorry for Misaki. I mean, they mention in the manga that she may have been abused as a child herself. And it's shown in the manga that she tries to stop herself but can't. As for Aidien, he's just a jerk. The idea of him doing this comes from messages between my friend Airgid-Chead and myself, actually. Hehe that would be awesome if Soubi had Ritsuka all to himself 24/7 ;)

Ritt-chan: We don't know what caused it, but I think it was most likely an accident. It's not like Ritsuka _chose_ this, after all. According to the manga, Ritsuka changed before his brother died. I wonder when it's going to be revealed what happened…Glad you're enjoying! Aw, thanks! I love the show. I watch it every day before I go to school (Or I did until I started my at-school job this week). ^^

Disclaimer: I do not own Ritsuka Aoyagi or Soubi Agatsuma. They belong to Yun Kouga. Maury belongs to himself. I don't own him either. I do, however, own Tarahan Akame, and Aidien Aoyagi. They're mine. I make NO money off of this non-canon work.

Dedication: This is dedicated to the release of Loveless volume 9 by Viz Media! I bought it as soon as I could. Other then a few translating errors, I have no issue with it. I can't wait for ten and the 2-in-1 that they are releasing. But I digress.

000

Once again, Maury sat on the left side of the stage, smiling at the audience. The camera glued onto the man's face; keeping him the only thing on the screen. In the chair next to him, a tall, young blonde man sat. His legs were crossed one over the other, but his hands were clenching onto the denim of his jeans. He appeared agitated, though it appeared as though he were also trying to hide that fact. His navy blue eyes were hidden behind narrowed, rounded glasses.

"Everyone, this is Soubi." Maury greeted the audience and the camera. "Soubi is here because he has been accused of being involved in a…rather _controversial_ relationship. Soubi? Would you mind telling everyone what's going on?"

"I haven't done anything wrong." Soubi informed Maury.

"I'm sure you haven't. But please, give us the details?"

Soubi sighed in irritation. "My friend's father saw us spending time together once and assumed some things that he shouldn't have, as they're not true." Soubi said.

"Which are what?"

"That I'm in a sexual relationship of some form with his son…"

The audience broke out into cheers.

"I'm not!" Soubi barked an argument. "I wouldn't do that to him."

"There's more to the story, Soubi." Maury looked to the audience. "Because, you see, the boy in question…is twelve."

The audience gasped as a collective.

"And how old are you, Soubi?"

"…Twenty-one."

The audience started making a lot of noise. It ranged between catcalls, booing, and gasping.

"I'm not doing anything to Ritsuka!" Soubi informed. "We're friends, and that's all…"

Maury smiled at Soubi. "Well, let's watch the tape of what you have to say, hm?"

A tape of Soubi began rolling on the video screen behind Maury. The camera made it take up the entire screen. Soubi sat on some sort of stool, but he was only visible from the chest up.

"My friend's father saw the two of us hanging out around his house, taking pictures, and jumped to conclusions." Soubi said. "He came over to us and said I had to get lost or he'd call the cops to report me. But we weren't, and we haven't, done anything wrong. Of course, I left to make him stop. If he had stopped being blinded by his suspicions, he would've seen the horrified look on poor Ritsuka's face…"

The audience booed.

"I'm here today to prove that I have never touched Ritsuka in an inappropriate manner. I have no, and I will not." Soubi said. "And once this lie detector proves it, I'd like Ritsuka's father to back off and go back to dealing with his own issues."

The tape ended and Maury came on the screen. He looked at Soubi with an eyebrow cocked.

"You'd like his father to deal with his own issues?" Maury asked. "What issues?"

"You had him on here a few minutes ago, so you should know that already." Soubi informed.

"Tarahan or Aidien?"

"Who's Tarahan?"

The audience gasped and booed at the thought.

"So the boy you're talking about is Aidien's son?" Maury wondered. "Not the one that Misaki injures, I would hope? You wouldn't have…failed to report that, would you have?"

Soubi looked away. "Ritsuka said not to." He said.

The audience booed.

"A twelve year old told you not to report his abusive mother to the police, and you listened to him…?"

"Well…yes…" Soubi muttered.

"I…I find that hard to believe…"

"Seimei said not to, either."

"Who?"

"Ritsuka's brother."

Maury paled. "The deceased brother?"

"Yes."

That made the audience let some confused sounds escape them. Even Maury looked unsure of what to say.

"Before he died, I hope?"

"Of course."

"And you listened to him as well?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

Soubi shrugged. "I have to."

"Why do you have to?"

"Seimei's word…" Soubi said. "I can't go against that…"

"You can't go against him? Why not? Who is Seimei to you?"

"…Seimei is…my God…"

The audience let out confused noises again.

"Would you stop saying that?" A timid voice asked from the stairs. "It's getting really tiresome, Soubi…"

The camera panned to the stairs to show a young boy with black hair, who still had his ears and tail. His ears were flat against his head in irritation, his tail twitched to further show his irritation, and his arms were folded across his chest. His plum colored eyes fixated on the ground as he walked down the stairs. Soubi immediately stood to greet the boy as he walked over. Maury stood as well.

"Are you Ritsuka?" Maury wondered.

"Yeah." Ritsuka looked at Soubi and smiled a little bit, his eyes lighting up. "I am."

"Um…welcome to the show…" Maury looked at a loss. "Would…um…you like to share your side of the story?"

"That's why I'm here." Ritsuka hugged Soubi before sitting in the empty chair at the elder male's left.

Soubi sat down as well, followed by Maury.

"Well, go ahead. What happened that day?" Maury wondered. "The day your father saw you two together?"

"Soubi picked me up from school, like he always does, and we went to make memories. Like we always do."

"Memories?"

"Photographs." Soubi correct.

Ritsuka nodded. "If you don't have pictures, you'll just forget. So I take a lot of pictures." He pulled a digital camera from his pocket. "See? I always have this with me." He turned on the camera and aimed it at Maury. He snapped a picture and shut it off. "Sorry…if I don't have the picture, I'll forget again…"

Soubi put a hand on Ritsuka's knee to comfort him, making the young boy blush.

"Stop, Soubi…" He muttered. "You know I don't like being pitied…"

"I'm not doing this out of pity." Soubi shook his head. "I just hate seeing you upset."

The audience 'awed' in response. Ritsuka flushed and pushed Soubi's hand off of him.

"Anyway…we were taking pictures at the park near where I live, and my dad happened to be around…doing something." Ritsuka shrugged. "I didn't see what…but um…he saw us before we saw him, and just ran over. He started accusing Soubi of things and assuming he was doing something to me…but we were just making memories." Ritsuka's eyes narrowed a little. "He never cared about my wellbeing before, so why did he start caring then, huh? Soubi has never touched me, other then hugging me or holding my hand so I won't get lost in a crowd…" Ritsuka looked away. "I'm mad at my dad for even thinking that about him…Soubi's a good guy…"

More 'aw' came from the audience.

"Well, let's see what your father has to say about this, okay?" Maury wondered.

Ritsuka nodded. A tape of Aidien, from the last story, speared on the screen.

"I don't know what in the world an earless adult, no matter how old, would be hanging around a twelve year old just for _fun_." Aidien informed. "He's got to be up to something. Or has done something. Ritsuka might think he's harmless, but he's twelve. He doesn't know how cruel the real world is." He shook his head. "When the evidence comes back that something has happened, I want him prosecuted, and _out_ of my son's life, for good!"

The tape ended. Ritsuka was wide eyed on stage. "But…" He started. "But…but…"

As he started stammering, Soubi leaned over and pulled him into a hug. Ritsuka let the elder man hold him, but didn't respond otherwise to the touch.

Maury gave them a scrutinizing look, but stopped when Soubi pulled away from the younger of the two males. "Well, once again…here's Aidien."

Aidien walked down the stairs to the stage as the audience began booing. They were either moved by Soubi's attempted protection of the boy, or still remembered what Aidien had been revealed to be doing behind his wife's back.

Maury greeted him on the stairs and shook his hand. "Welcome back, Aidien." He greeted.

Aidien paid no attention to him. "If I ever see you touch my son again, I'm getting the cops on your ass!" He threatened Soubi, stalking towards where he was.

Both Soubi and Ritsuka were up out of their seats instantly.

"It was just a hug." Soubi informed the elder male, who was still slightly shorter then he was.

"I don't care _what_ it was!"

Ritsuka quickly got in the middle of them and put his hands out to stop his father. "Dad, stop!" Ritsuka ordered. "Soubi didn't do anything wrong!"

Soubi grabbed Ritsuka by the wrist and pulled him back, stepping in front of the boy protectively. "It's alright, Ritsuka…" He muttered to the boy.

Aidien glared at him. Guards got in between the two blonde males and separated them. Ritsuka sat quickly, pulling on Soubi's sleeve to make him do the same. Once the twenty-one year old sat, Aidien took a seat on the left of Ritsuka.

"Ritsuka, sit closer to me, please." Aidien said.

"I don't want to." Ritsuka shook his head, gripping the front of his chair.

"Ritsuka…"

"You never cared about me before, so why start now?" Ritsuka turned his head sharply to glare at his father. "I'm not moving over there. I'm staying right where I belong."

"And where is that?"

"With Soubi."

The audience blew up into cheers at that.

"Welcome back, Aidien…" Maury began to speak.

"Yeah, hi, Frank." Aidien ignored the host. "Ritsuka, I don't know what he's told you to make you trust him, but he's lying to you."

"He didn't tell me anything to make me trust him." Ritsuka said. "He proved I could trust him." The neko looked at the blonde at his side. "He protects me, and keeps me company. He makes me feel better when I'm upset, and he makes me smile…and he cares about me."

"He's lying, Ritsuka; it's all an act to gain your trust so you won't see it coming or report it when he does whatever he has planned for you."

"I have nothing planned for him." Soubi denied, shaking his head.

He was ignored.

"You don't know what the real world is like. You have no life experience."

"Oh, I don't?" Ritsuka sneered. "My brother was burned to death in _my school desk_ when I was ten years old, and _I _found him there. I lost my memories when I was ten and did a complete 180 in personality, causing my mother to go insane, and me to have to go to therapy." Ritsuka's tail went stiff as a board. "You leave me home alone with my abusive mother when you _know_ she attacks me in fits of blind rage, to go off and be with some other woman and have a kid with her." He glared at his father. "I'd say I have enough 'real world experience' for an adult, let alone a twelve year old."

The audience erupted into cheers.

"How did you know about…?" Aidien trailed.

"I've been here _the whole time_, you realize that, right?" Ritsuka rolled his eyes. "I mean, our story's on the show, too." He looked at Soubi.

The blonde smiled at him, making Ritsuka flush and smile as well.

"You flush a lot when you're together, do you realize that?" Maury wondered.

"Yeah, I know…"

"Why is that?"

"Because something's already happened between them." Aidien accused.

"Nothing has." Ritsuka glared at his father before turning to Maury. "Because…no one's ever been nice to me before…"

The audience awed in sympathy for the young boy. Soubi took one of Ritsuka's hands in his own and kissed the knuckles.

Maury chuckled. "So, Aidien, why do you think they're doing something? Or should I say, why do you think Soubi has some sexual plan for your son?"

Ritsuka flushed and his eyes went wide. "Dad!" He scolded, making the audience laugh.

The neko flushed darker and looked away.

"Because there is no reason in the world that a twenty-one year old male should or would have anything to do with an unrelated twelve year old boy, unless he wanted something." Aidien said.

Soubi glared at him. "What could I possibly want from Ritsuka?" He growled. "I only want to see him happy."

The audience cheered at that.

"Sure, that's all you want."

"He's Seimei's friend." Ritsuka said.

"What was that, Ritsuka?" Maury wondered.

"He's…he was friends with my brother before he died…" Ritsuka said. "Seimei told him to find me, so he did. And we're friends…" He looked at their linked hands, which Soubi squeezed in response. He doesn't want anything from me, and he wouldn't do anything to me. Especially not that."

"You don't know that. What's to stop him from, when you're alone, forcibly taking your ears, hm?" Aidien wondered.

"Because when I was fourteen, my ears were stolen by a pervert." Soubi growled. "I would never put Ritsuka through that. I don't think I'd consider sex with _anyone_, after what happened to me."

He got sympathetic awing from the audience.

"Soubi…" Ritsuka squeezed the elder's hand and looked at him.

Soubi leaned down and kissed his forehead in response. "I'm fine." He said.

"Are you sure?" Ritsuka wondered.

Soubi looked away and shook his head, before looking back at Ritsuka and nodding. "Yes I am."

"No you're not." Ritsuka said. "Don't lie to me, Soubi…not about this."

"I promise, I'll be okay…"

"If you say so…"

"Let's get onto the lie detector results, shall we?" Maury asked.

The audience cheered as he took a manila envelope from a man in the audience.

"Anything to say before I read the results?" Maury wondered, taking out the results.

"When it comes back that I haven't done anything and have no intentions of doing so, I want an apology, and for him to leave me the hell alone." Soubi informed.

The audience cheered as Ritsuka smiled and nodded.

"And…I want him to stop treating me like a little kid. I'm more of an adult then he is." Ritsuka glared at his father.

More cheering came from the audience.

"Ritsuka, you seem like a pretty smart kid, who just may have had to grow up too fast." Maury informed. "Let's get onto the results, shall we?"

The three on stage nodded as the audience cheered.

"Soubi, you were asked 'have you ever had any inappropriate sexual contact with Ritsuka in the past two years that you two have known one another'. You answered no. The lie detector determined…you were telling the truth."

"Told you!" Ritsuka said to his dad.

Aidien folded his arms and sat back in the chair.

"You were then asked 'do you have any plans to use Ritsuka for sexual means'."

Ritsuka flushed.

"You answered no. The lie detector determined…you are telling the truth."

More cheers came from the audience. It was clear that they had decided to side with the two friends.

"And finally, you were asked, 'have you ever considered using Ritsuka for your own sexual gratification." Maury read. "You said no. The lie detector determined…you are telling the truth."

The audience was on their feet and cheering at that.

Ritsuka quickly turned on his camera and snapped a picture of his surprised father. "Told you!" Ritsuka smiled as he turned the camera off again. "Soubi would never do that to me!" The neko turned to his older friend and smiled at him. He looked back at his father. "Apologize!"

"I won't." Aidien shook his head.

He stormed off stage before anyone could stop him or say anything more to him.

Ritsuka's ears flattened and his eyes showed that he wasn't happy that his father had just walked out on him again. Soubi smiled and pulled the boy close for a hug from behind. Ritsuka's ears and tail shot up in surprised, but he soon relaxed into the other male's touch and they lay down again. "I knew it…" Ritsuka smiled softly.

He looked up at the blonde. Soubi leaned down and pressed their lips together in a brief kiss that made the audience fall silent. Once they separated and smiled at one another, the audience cheered again.

Maury smiled at the camera. "And we'll be right back!"


	4. Not-Brothers Yoji and Natsuo

Dlbn: Hey there, everyone, and welcome back to "Tell It to Maury"! Sorry for the long wait, but we just weren't inspired enough to get to work on a new chapter. But now we are, so here we go again!

Nbld: Let's start with the review corner! Thank you to dragonprincess01 and 777angeloflove for reviewing! Cookies for you both!

Dragonprincess01: They really are a cute couple ^^ thank you, I hope you had a good weekend/week as well. :-D

777aangeloflove: Yay! :D

Disclaimer; I do NOT own Yoji Sagan or Natsuo Sagan. They belong to Yun Kouga; creator of Loveless and Gestalt (And more, but I only know those two enough by name XD) I don't own Maury or The Maury Show either. Maury belongs to himself, and the show belongs to the channel he's on. Channel 15 for me. I make NO money off of this work of fiction.

000

Maury sat in his chair on the left side of the stage again, grinning as always. Next to him sat two boys. One had long mint colored hair, and the other had burgundy hair. The burgundy haired one had an eye patch on his left eye; leaving only his green right eye visible. The mint haired boy had violet eyes. They both seemed a little agitated to be there.

"Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Yoji and Natsuo to the show." Maury introduced.

People cheered, making the mint haired one roll his eyes in annoyance.

"Do you boys know why you're here?" Maury wondered.

"Nagisa-sensei paid us to come." The one with the eye patch laughed. "Do you know what this is about, Yoji?"

"No idea, Natsuo." Yoji replied. "Like you said; we were paid to come here."

Maury smiled, not disturbed by the boys' reaction. "Well, Nagisa-sensei sent us a video tape to explain why. Perhaps we should all watch?"

Before either of the younger males could speak, a video tape began rolling. The woman on screen had teal colored hair and lilac eyes like the mint haired male's. She appeared to be wearing some kind of frilly pink outfit with a matching hat.

"I called the show and sent my boys in." She informed, picking at her hot pink painted nails with white painted tips. "You're not going to believe me, I don't think, but they're…well…in no uncertain terms…doing it…"

The crowd gasped.

"And I don't mean with other people…I mean each other…" She shuddered. "Well, not exactly _doing_ it, since their ears are real. Believe me; I tried yanking the ears off and nothing. I have no idea what to do, but they seem proud of…whatever it is they're doing. Fix it or something."

The tape ended. Maury looked surprised; both at the woman's obvious lack of concern, and with the circumstances themselves.

"You're…a couple?" He wondered.

"Not really…" Yoji informed.

"We're a unit." Natsuo corrected.

"Yeah, a unit." Yoji smirked cockily. "No harm, no foul."

"Exactly. Nothing wrong with it."

"Nothing at all."

"Can we go now?"

"I'm _bored_."

Maury just blinked at the two boys. "If my information is correct, you two are…siblings, are you not?"

That had the crowd gasping again.

"Oh, come on!" Yoji argued. "You weren't gasping this much when Soubi and Ritsuka were making out up here!"

"We're not related!" A call came from backstage.

"Shut up, Ritsuka!" Yoji called back. "Besides, we're not siblings, you know."

"Oh? But you have the same last name, according to my paperwork…"

"So what?" Yoji wondered. "Yeah, Nagisa-sensei gave us her last name and raised us or whatever, but we're not siblings. No blood relation."

"None whatsoever." Natsuo agreed.

"So it's fine."

"Totally legal."

"No blood relation, no incest."

"Simple as that." They both spoke at once.

Maury looked shell shocked. "So you two admit that you're together, then?"

"No." The both argued.

"But if we _were_…" Yoji started.

"It would be okay because we're not related by blood." Natsuo added.

"But you're not together?" Maury was perplexed, and getting a bit of a headache.

"We're a unit." Yoji insisted. "But we're not a couple."

"Never one without the other."

"Two halves of the same soul."

"But not a couple?"

Both boys glared. "What part of no don't you understand?" They wondered, agitated.

"Well, you boys may _say_ you're not together, but I have a little surprise for you."

"If you're going to call Ritsuka or Soubi as witnesses, we're out." Yoji informed.

"No, no, nothing like that." Maury cut his hand across his throat, making a man in a black suit nod and speak into his headset. "However, a little friend of mine is here to give us a little hand. Please give a warm welcome to our Special Ops Investigator, Dave Vitali!"

The audience burst into cheers and applause, standing as they did so. A bald male wearing a black shirt that showed off his muscles walked out of the audience and stood on the steps. He folded his arms over his chest.

"Dave, care to explain what you have in store for these young men?"

"Natsuo, I'm scared…" Yoji informed.

"Me too, Yoji…" Natsuo agreed.

"Well, before we brought the boys out on stage, we let them sit in our green room for about half an hour." Dave informed, making the crowd go nuts. "But what they didn't know was that there were security cameras in the room."

Maury grinned. "Well, let's see what was on the security cameras, shall we?"

The screen showed Yoji and Natsuo sitting in a room talking.

"I can't believe Nagisa-sensei would send us here." Past-Yoji informed. "This si so stupid."

"At least she paid us." Past-Natsuo offered.

"Well, yeah, that's true." Past-Yoji sighed. "But look who's running around here! The entire Aoyagi family, the entire Akame family, Soubi, Kio and some little girl that bosses him around…I feel like we're in the insane asylum."

"If we were," Past-Natsuo replied. "Then Ritsu-sensei and Nagisa-sensei would be in here, too."

"We should send them in here."

"We couldn't bribe them with money."

"Bribe Ritsu by telling him they'll let him hang out with Soubi in a back room." Past-Yoji snickered into his hand.

"And bribe Nagisa by telling her she gets to stay in a hotel room with Ritsu!"

They both burst into laughter. The tape fast-forwarded a little bit. Static lines of grey ran across the screen until it stopped.  
"Hey, I'm bored." Past-Natsuo informed his not-brother.

"Me too." Past-Yoji agreed.

"Wanna pass the time?"

"How?"

Natsuo wiggled his eyebrows at the mint haired male. Yoji flushed and grabbed Natsuo by the collar; pulling him closer.

"I like that idea." He fused their lips together.

The two of them made out as the audience began to gasp and cheer. Natsuo pulled Yoji on top of him, but the tape stopped.

"We had to end it there because the rest was too racy for television." Dave informed.

Dave's words caused catcalls to sprout from the audience. Yoji and Natsuo didn't seem disturbed or bothered by it in the slightest. Maury, however, looked like he'd seen a ghost.

"That's not a green room." Yoji informed. "It was clearly white."

"Clearly." Natsuo informed.

Their comments went ignored.

"How can you claim you're not a couple after that?" Maury wondered.

"We're not a couple." Yoji said.

"We're a unit."

"You keep saying that. But if Dave had to cut off the tape because of how graphic it ended up getting, then there's no way that you two aren't…"

"We're friends with benefits." Yoji informed.

Maury almost fell out of his seat. "Aren't you both twelve?"

"So?" They both wondered.

No one said anything for a moment. Maury looked seriously spooked. "I…I don't think there's much more we can discuss here." He said.

"Can we go now?" Yoji wondered.

"Um…yeah…we'll be right back."

Before Maury could finish, Yoji was dragging Natsuo offstage by the hand.

000

The words 'after the show' appeared in big block letters on the bottom of the screen, next to the image of a slanted clock. Yoji and Natsuo were in the halls of Maury's studio. Yoji was leaned against the wall, and the Natsuo was over him. He held the mint haired boy's hands against the wall above his head. Yoji clenched and unclenched his fists as Natsuo worked at his mouth with his own. A secretary walked down the hall just in time to see Natsuo fit his knee in between Yoji's legs and rub against him.

"Um…excuse me!" She greeted.

The boys separated and glared at her.

"Can't you see we're busy here?!" Yoji snarled.

"Well…yes…but um…could you do that somewhere else?" The woman wondered. "There's a green room right next to you…"

"Are you people all stupid? The rooms here are clearly all white. None are green." Yoji informed.

"It's just a figure of speech…"the secretary tried to argue.

"No, no, no." Natsuo said. "It's stupidity."

"Real stupid." Yoji agreed, nodding once.

"And speaking of stupid, we're not going in there to do this, because you'll just catch it all on film."

"There's no cameras in that room there." The secretary pointed.

Natsuo removed himself from Yoji. "One moment." He said, before slipping into the room she'd pointed out.

Yoji looked her up and down. "Your outfit is boring." He replied. "You need color."

"Color?" She wondered. "But…black and white…"

"Makes you look like a penguin."

The secretary's eyes burned with tears. "But…it's a classic…"

"It's old fashioned." Yoji informed. He looked up at the ceiling and clasped his hands behind his back. "Do you _want_ people to look at you and think of old movies from the fifties? You're probably twenty-something. Not sixty-something."

"But…"

The door to the room Natsuo had gone into cracked open. "No cameras." He said.

"Did you check?" Yoji asked, as his tail twitched.

"Yes."

"Did you check _good_?"

"More then once." Natsuo nodded.

Yoji grinned and arched off the wall. "See you later, 1950's penguin!" He waved at the stunned secretary before disappearing into the room with Natsuo.

The woman didn't speak; too shell-shocked and dumbfounded by the peculiar boys. Moans and pants started coming from the room, causing the secretary to scamper off. Her heels clicked as she ran down the hallways. The camera faded out as Maury started walking past. He heard noises from the room the not-brothers had gone into. He stared for a moment before shaking his head and walking away. The camera faded to black.


	5. Possible Twins: Chouma and Kio Kaido

Dlbn: Hey there, everyone, I'm back! Sorry about the long delay between chapters here. My inspiration for this ran out a long time ago. But now it's back and ready to roll! Let's get started straight away!

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Kio Kaido, Shikiko Kaido, or Chouma Kaido. They are from Loveless and thus belong to Yun Kouga. I also do not own Maury or The Maury Show. Maury owns himself, and I forget who owns the show. But he's on channel 15 for me, so let's give them credit for now. I DO however, own Ryo Kaido. He's mine.

000

Maury sat on the left side of the stage in his usual chair. On the chair next to him was a very nervous looking young man with pale green hair and dark navy-purple eyes. He had many piercings going up the cartilage on his ears, thin wire glasses on his face, and a lollipop in his mouth. He sat leaning forward slightly, wringing his hands between his spread knees. Maury smiled warmly at the camera while the man next to him tried to avoid looking up at it.

"Welcome to the show, everybody." Maury greeted. "It's been a long between-season break, but we're finally back!"

Cheers sprang from the audience.

"Everyone meet Kio." Maury informed. "He's here with a couple questions of DNA. Kio, tell us what's going on?"

Kio looked up, smiling softly. "Well…er…I have a daughter…allegedly. We're related, I mean I see the family resemblance, but it just doesn't add up. She's 14, and I'm 21, so I have no idea how that's even possible…"

The audience began to cheer and holler.

"Your daughter is seven years younger than you…so you would have had to father her when you were seven." Maury commented.

"I don't think that's even possible!" Kio replied. "I know my family has a ton of secrets, but this one is just weird."

More cheers came from the audience, with scattered laughter.

"I read the story over before we came on stage, and it seems to me like there's one more family secret you're wondering about?"

"I met this girl the other day…"

Cheers from the audience.

"I'm gay, so don't even think about it."

Laughter blew up from the audience, with one or two cheers.

"But she looks like she could be my twin, and she even called me her 'big brother'."

"So this is your sister?" Maury wondered. "Were you separated for a long period of time?"

"I didn't know she existed."

Gasps popped up from the audience and murmuring began to follow. Maury looked shocked.

"You…you didn't know she existed? But if she's your twin…"

"My family is very women oriented. We were probably separated and she was kept secret from me because I was a male and had no right to know."

"Well…let's start with your sister first…Here's what she had to say."

A video began rolling. A woman with short blonde hair grinned at the camera. She had eyes like Kio, and looked eerily similar to him. She wore a low cut pink top and a headband that went under her hair. She picked at her nails, seeming disinterested in what was going on around her.

"Yeah, Kio's my brother, but he didn't know I existed until I went to him." Her sweet-sounding voice was laced with traces of hostility. "Don't know why I was kept secret from him, but welcome to the Kaido family." She shrugged. "It's probably Septimal Moon's fault. This organization I work underneath? Yeah, it's weird and I'm not explaining, but I'm pretty sure his memory was wiped clean. Because I'm 25 and so is he. That daughter of his? I think she knows more then she lets on. But, being the heir to the Kaido family whatever you want to call it, she's not going to say anything. Gotta protect her image, after all. Or maybe she doesn't know anything either. Mother was always pretty secretive, even when we were kids…" She pursed her wine red-painted lips. "It's not like it really _matters_ whether or not he knows about me, since I'm going into hiding soon anyway, but let's get this settled. At least for his sanity's sake."

The video ended as the audience erupted into cheers. Maury smiled at the camera. "Let's welcome Chouma."

The audience broke into cheers and hollers as Chouma walked out to the staircase. She wore a low-cut pink top, silver and pink bangles on her arms, black short-shorts, a long sleeved black trench coat, and spiked silver heels. She wore a pink headband under her hair, but over her bangs. Her blonde hair was longer in the back, but got shorter in the front. Like Kio, she had numerous piercings on her ears and a lollipop in her mouth. Chouma really did resemble Kio, but in drag and with very visible breasts. She stumbled slightly as she walked to the stairs; her knees seemingly buckling underneath her. She regained her composure and very carefully walked down the stairs to meet Maury at the foot of the staircase.

"Chouma, how are you?" Maury asked over the cheers.

"Fine." She greeted. "And yourself, Maury?"

"I'm doing alright, thank you." She pulled the lollipop from her mouth before grabbing Maury by the back of the head and pressing her painted lips to his.

Kio hid his face in his hands as the audience broke into wolf whistles. Chouma pulled away and smirked, putting her lollipop back in your mouth.

"Interesting man." She informed Maury. "Sorry, that's just how I greet my opponents. How I get to know them, so to speak, so I can use what I learn against them later." She giggled happily and inched around Maury. She walked over to Kio, who was standing, and tripped into his arms. He caught her and stood her upright.

"Are you okay?" He wondered.

"I'm fine." She grinned. "Thanks for catching me. People normally don't do that." She giggled and pulled from Kio before turning her chair around. She sat on it backwards, leaning her arms over the back of the chair and straddling it as she sat. Her coat flailed out behind her before settling down. Kio sat next to her as the stunned Maury walked robotically back to his seat and sat down.

"That's never happened before." Maury informed.

"Gee, I wonder why." Chouma snorted.

The audience laughed.

"So, Chouma, that was quite a speech you made on tape there. You think your brother's memory was wiped?"

"Why not?" She shrugged. "It's been done time and time again. It's how we keep our secrets. Why do you think I'm going into hiding soon, hm?"

"Why do you think they would hide you, though?"

"Because I'm dangerous." She laughed. "You can't even begin to imagine how many people I've slaughtered." She gripped the back of the chair as she leaned back and laughed. "Or I should say that _we_ slaughtered, but he's no longer here, so who cares about formalities?"

"Who's he?"

"A friend…no…just…someone very close to me. Soul mate, if you would. They decided not to replace him like they normally would. Thought I was too dangerous or something."

"You talk like Seimei…" Kio muttered.

"Well, gee, I wonder why." She giggled. "He's just, you know, the guy who freed me from that accursed Septimal Moon. We're friends, I guess you could say."

"Now, Chouma, I couldn't help but notice the stumbling. Are you alright?"

"Too much to drink?" Someone in the audience asked, making everyone laugh.

Chouma smirked. "Honey, you're just upset because there's no amount of alcohol in the world that could make you attractive." She winked, causing laughs form the audience.

Maury rolled his eyes and waved his hand. "Alright, everyone, settle down." He ordered. "Chouma?"

"I have muscle issues." She informed. "Muscle weakness that causes them to give out unexpectedly. Fortunate for me, only my legs are plagued by it."

"And you wear heels?"

"It's called _style_. Would you rather I wear combat boots? Because I have a pair of those, too…"

"No, no, it just doesn't seem safe."

"No one tells me no."

"Anyway, back on topic." Maury informed. "You two do look like twins."

"Because we _are_, smart one."

"But I don't get it." Kio shook his head. "Even Shikiko doesn't know. She said it's because it was before she was born…"

"She's the heir to the Kaido family." Chouma informed her alleged brother. "Why wouldn't she keep it secret to protect the family?"

"But maybe she really doesn't know." Kio argued. "Why would our family erase my memories of you? And of Shikiko. I didn't even know she was born until she was two."

"And how old were you then, if you recall?" Maury wondered.

"Um…I was seventeen, I think…" Kio shrugged. "Fuzzy details, sorry."

"Mind erased." Chouma said "But save her for later. This is about us right now." She said. "Do that DNA result thing so I can leave. I'm in a hurry to get outta town."

"Before we do that, we have one more person to add to this story." Maury said.

Kio and Chouma looked at each other, confused. "Who?" Kio asked, looking back to the host.

"Come on out!" Maury called.

A tall man with short shaggy brown hair and blue eyes walked out onto stage. He wore a white shirt with an unbuttoned black blazer over it, and dark jeans. He looked older then both Kio and Chouma, but resembled them slightly. Chouma looked confused, but Kio recognized him instantly and stood with a snap. The lollipop in his mouth fell to the ground and shattered.

"Dad?" He wondered.

The man nodded in greeting as he walked down the stairs to shake hands with Maury. He ignored the host's questions and sat down on the opposite side of Chouma. He crossed his legs as Kio slowly sat back down.

"Close your mouth, Kio, you're going to catch some flies." His father ordered.

Chouma looked sideways at him, tilting her head a bit. "So you're our Dad, huh?" She wondered.

"Until this DNA test comes back, I'm not sure about you." His father informed her. "I had no knowledge of your mother ever having twins."

"Heh." Chouma smirked. "Seems it's true what they say. The Kaido men really _are_ completely clueless and halfway useless."

Kio and his father both fixed her with smoldering glares as the audience laughed.

"So, Mr. Kaido…" Maury began, only to be cut off.

"Ryo."

"Okay then, Ryo…you had no idea that your wife had twins?"

"I never married their mother. She's not my wife." Ryo said. "Or I should say was, considering circumstances…"

"What circumstances?" Chouma questioned.

"Mom died…" Kio said, gathering sympathetic noises from the audience.

"I'm sorry to hear that." Maury said as Chouma put a hand over her mouth.

"And no one made me aware?" She wondered, slumping a bit. "Well, damn, now I know where I stand."

"I would've told you if I had known…"

Chouma shrugged. "Anyway, can we get on with this?" She wondered. "I seriously need to get running."

"Unfortunately, we don't have a DNA test to check for siblings." Maury informed. "So we called in your father to do a paternity test." He stood as the audience cheered and grabbed a manila envelope from a man in the audience. He returned to his seat and pulled out a sheet of paper. "According to this, Ryo is definitely Kio's father."

The audience cheered as Ryo rolled his eyes. "We were already aware of this." He said. "Next, please."

Maury shook his head and looked back at the paper. "According to the results of this DNA test, Ryo…you _are_ the father of Chouma."

The audience began to cheer as people stood and clapped. A few whistles broke out as a slight grin broke across Kio's face.

"So it's true…we _are _siblings…" He said.

She rolled her eyes and stood. "I told you."

Kio stood as well and pulled his sister into a hug, making the audience cheer louder. Their father stood and stretched before putting a hand on Chouma's shoulder and patting it.

"Welcome to the family from hell. Enjoy your stay." He said.

The twins separated.

"Hey…dad…?" Kio wondered. "If I'm 25…why did I think I was only 21? Didn't you know how old I was?"

He shrugged. "I'm a male." He said, as if it explained everything. "They didn't tell me much, just that you existed when they kicked you out for being male."

Kio shrugged and grabbed his father by the arm. He pulled him into a hug. "I miss you, you know…"

The audience let out a chorus of 'aw'.

"You too." Ryo awkwardly pat his son's shoulder.

They separated and Maury smiled at them. "Chouma? Now that you know the truth, are you still going into hiding?"

"Oh, hell yes." She giggled. She scratched at her forehead, moving her headband a little to reveal the letters 't' and 'h' in small print on her temple. "I don't have a choice in this matter, unfortunately, but I shall indeed return." She smirked, kissed her brother's forehead, then her father's, and stumbled off stage left.

Kio quickly followed after her, leaving Ryo with Maury.

"You might have a granddaughter, you know." Maury told him.

"Kio's made me well aware." Ryo nodded. "Guess you'll have to wait for him to come back out here."

Maury looked to the camera. "We'll be right back!"


End file.
